A moment of morbidity

Let me say at the outset that I’m glad I’m alive. For me, being alive is a Very Good Thing. Nevertheless, there is a question that swirls around my mind sometimes. And it’s the sort of question that is quite difficult to ask out loud, because it makes me sound terribly morbid. But I think it might be an important one, so here goes.

Why didn’t he kill me?

I mean this totally seriously. Think about it: he raped me in his place of employment. I was staying at his place of employment. It would not have been the Maltese police’s hardest case to crack, had I reported it. So in the interest of self-preservation, why didn’t he just slit my throat and be done with it? Or at the very least, why didn’t he threaten to kill me if I said anything? Because he didn’t – he threw me out of the back office and that was that. He didn’t even bother to take the next few days off work until I’d left the country.

The only conclusion that I am able to draw is that he knew I wouldn’t report him, that I wouldn’t say a word to anyone. And how worrying is that? Rapists know that the stigma and suspicion that surround a rape victim are so great – and that the psychological trauma they personally inflict is so huge – that they feel confident enough to let someone who could clearly identify them walk away.

I’ve been sitting looking at this screen now for ten minutes, trying to find a conclusion to this post. I don’t think I have one. It’s just something I wanted to point out.

I’m very glad I’m alive – but the fact that he felt he could allow that paints a troubling picture of society.

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  1. #1 by Anon on June 13, 2011 - 3:53 pm

    Don’t think it’s a morbid question at all. It’s a very valid point. I do think there’s several reasons for it though.

    A) He probably knew you wouldn’t report it as most rape victims don’t report their rape immediately. They report it weeks/years later or not at all. And this is because of the stigma attached to rape. I think rape is the only crime where the VICTIMS have to prove their innocence. And that the fault of society.
    B) Killing someone is a whole different kettle of fish. To rapists, raping someone very rarely weighs heavily on their conscience. They probably don’t think it has any lasting effect (physically at least). Whereas taking a human life is completely different.
    C) And the last thing I can think of, is that murder would be taken more seriously by the police (again – society is to blame). There would be more years in prison and the police would try extremely hard in catching him. Whereas for rape he probably would have gotten a few years, for murder it would have been 10+ years. The consequences would have been more severe.

    But I completely get what you mean. Because we live in a culture that blames the victim, that forces the victim to defend themselves on trial, that demands the victim proves their innocence; rapists will always feel safe as the law is more on their side than ours. It’s disgusting.

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